are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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