So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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