i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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