I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
