Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
