he shaved USA in his pubs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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