I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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