youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
