So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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