The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm bleeding and have questions
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
