i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
