i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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