It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
