Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
