new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
