My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
