Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
