They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
