How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
