dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
