yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
