We're facebook friends in real life
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
