Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
