To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
