I love black thongs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
