Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
