He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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