I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
