i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
