i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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