I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i think i just lost a toe
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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