Four minutes until I can fart!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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