There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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