textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
