Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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