i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
