Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
