so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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