apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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