I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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