Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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