You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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