i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
