i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
