She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
