That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize