It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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