Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
