ugly people sure do ruin things
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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