omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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