His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
