Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
