Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
