when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
