I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
