We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
