apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
