Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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