Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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