I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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