you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize