perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
