Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
