I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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