i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
