and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
